When conversations get tense—especially around politics—it’s easy to think the problem is them: their ignorance, their bad sources, their stubbornness. But if we want better dialogue across divides, one of the most powerful shifts we can make is turning the lens inward and asking:
What personal biases should we recognize to improve dialogue across divides?
We all have them. Biases don’t mean you’re a bad person; they mean you’re human. The more aware you become of your own mental shortcuts, the easier it is to stay curious instead of combative, and connected instead of defensive.
Below are some of the most common biases that quietly sabotage cross-divide conversations—and practical ways to work with them.
1. Confirmation bias: “I notice what proves I’m right”
What it is:
Confirmation bias is our tendency to seek out, trust, and remember information that supports what we already believe—and ignore or downplay anything that challenges it.
How it shows up in dialogue:
- You mentally dismiss statistics, stories, or sources that don’t fit your view.
- You only follow news outlets, creators, and friends who think like you.
- When the other person makes a good point, you breeze past it instead of sitting with it.
How to recognize it in yourself:
- Do I fact-check claims that disagree with my view more than claims that support it?
- When was the last time I changed my mind on a political issue—and what made that possible?
- Am I more focused on “winning” than on understanding?
How to work with it:
- Ask yourself: “What evidence would actually make me rethink my stance?”
- Seek out one credible source from ‘the other side’ and read it with the goal of understanding, not rebutting.
- In conversation, learn to say: “That’s a fair point; I hadn’t considered that angle.” It keeps your mind open and lowers the temperature for both of you.
2. In-group bias: “My side = good people, their side = suspicious”
What it is:
In-group bias is our instinct to favor people who are part of “our group”—whether that’s a political party, community, culture, or identity—and treat outsiders with more skepticism.
How it shows up in dialogue:
- You assume people on your “side” have good intentions, while “they” are selfish, ignorant, or dangerous.
- You give more grace to mistakes or bad behavior when it comes from your side.
- You use “we” and “they” in ways that subtly dehumanize: “They don’t care about facts,” “They’re all brainwashed.”
How to recognize it:
- Do I assume the best motives in my group and the worst in others?
- Do I judge “their side” based on the worst extremists, and “my side” based on the best examples?
- How often do I say things like “people like that” or “those people”?
How to work with it:
- Look for shared values beneath disagreements: safety, fairness, freedom, dignity, stability. Most people across divides care about similar core values—they just prioritize or apply them differently.
- Practice saying: “I disagree with their solution, but I can understand the concern they’re trying to address.”
- Seek out personal stories from people on the “other side.” It’s harder to demonize someone once you’ve heard their why.
3. Stereotyping and essentialism: “People like you are always…”
What it is:
Stereotyping is when we make broad generalizations about a group. Essentialism goes further and treats those traits as fixed—“that’s just how they are.”
How it shows up in dialogue:
- You assume you already know what someone thinks because of one label: Democrat, Republican, Christian, atheist, rural, urban, etc.
- You respond to the stereotype instead of the actual person in front of you.
- You say “You people always…” or “You just want…” instead of asking what they actually believe.
How to recognize it:
- Do I mentally fill in someone’s story based on a few visible traits (accent, clothes, age, background)?
- Am I more interested in their label than their lived experience?
- Do I feel surprised when someone “from that group” doesn’t fit my assumptions?
How to work with it:
- Replace assumptions with questions:
“Can you tell me more about how you came to that belief?”
“What does that label mean to you personally?” - Remember that every group is more diverse inside than it looks from the outside.
- Notice when you’re reacting to a caricature you’ve absorbed from media, not the person right in front of you.
4. Attribution bias: “I’m reasonable; you’re emotional”
What it is:
Attribution bias is the habit of explaining our own behavior in generous ways (“I’m tired,” “I’m stressed”) but explaining others’ behavior as a character flaw (“They’re irrational,” “They’re close-minded”).
How it shows up in dialogue:
- When you raise your voice: “This topic matters a lot.”
When they raise theirs: “They’re unhinged.” - When you misspeak: “I didn’t phrase that well.”
When they misspeak: “They don’t know what they’re talking about.” - You see your side as logical and theirs as emotional—even when both of you are feeling a lot.
How to recognize it:
- Do I excuse my own frustration but judge theirs?
- Do I label their reactions (“hysterical,” “heartless”) instead of asking what’s underneath?
- Do I rarely admit when I’m triggered or defensive?
How to work with it:
- Own your emotional state in real time:
“I’m getting a little defensive here; this issue feels personal to me.” - Assume complexity in the other person: their experiences, fears, and pressures are as real as yours.
- Before reacting to the tone, listen for the underlying concern: “You sound really worried about X—can you tell me more about that?”
5. Overconfidence bias: “I’ve done my research; I know the truth”
What it is:
Overconfidence bias is when we’re more sure than we should be that we’re right—especially on complex issues where no single person sees the whole picture.
How it shows up in dialogue:
- You present your view as the truth instead of a perspective.
- You use phrases like “Everyone knows…” or “It’s obvious that…”
- You feel threatened by questions, as if not knowing every answer weakens your position.
How to recognize it:
- Do I feel uncomfortable saying “I don’t know” about political topics?
- Do I shut down conversations by insisting, “There’s nothing to debate here”?
- Do I feel superior to people who admit uncertainty?
How to work with it:
- Practice saying:
“Here’s how I understand it right now, but I could be missing something.” - Remember that even experts in a field disagree with each other.
- Treat conversations as chances to learn, not as exams you have to ace.
6. Emotional bias and trigger points: “This topic hits a nerve for me”
What it is:
Emotional bias happens when our feelings—fear, anger, shame, grief—drive our reactions more than the actual facts of the discussion.
How it shows up in dialogue:
- You suddenly feel flooded: tight chest, racing heart, urge to attack or shut down.
- You find yourself saying things you don’t fully mean just to “win” or protect yourself.
- Later, you regret your tone, even if you still believe your point.
How to recognize it:
- Notice physical signals: clenched jaw, heat in your face, shallow breathing.
- Notice mental signals: black-and-white thinking, catastrophizing, wanting to “destroy” the other person’s argument.
- Reflect after conversations: were you arguing from your values or from a wound?
How to work with it:
- Take short pauses: “This is getting intense for me. Can we slow down for a second?”
- If needed, take a break: “I want to keep talking about this, but I’m too stirred up right now. Can we revisit it later?”
- Get curious about your trigger: What past experiences make this topic feel so loaded?
Turning self-awareness into better conversations
Recognizing your own biases isn’t about shaming yourself. It’s about gaining more choice.
When you can notice, “Oh, that’s my confirmation bias kicking in,” or “I’m stereotyping right now,” you create a little bit of space between the trigger and your response. In that space, you can choose:
- to ask a question instead of make an assumption
- to listen for values instead of hunting for faults
- to stay in relationship even when you don’t reach agreement
If your goal is not just to be right, but to build bridges across divides, that space is where the real work happens.
And it starts with a simple internal question you can carry into every difficult conversation:
“What bias might be shaping how I’m seeing this right now—and what would change if I loosened my grip on it, even just a little?”